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1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
dwarvendiaries

reblog if your name isn’t Amanda.

pastassassins

2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!

We’ll find you Amanda.

iceslushii

this has almost 11 million notes what is this

yiffmaster

I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site

llsilvertail

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’ve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????

computationalcalculator

oh my god, I didn’t think there were any surviving versions of this post left

For those who weren’t around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post you’ve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.

This is the “Dean’s Gym Shorts” post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original “Reblog if you support gay people” post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.

This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

dwarvendiaries
mf-dooom

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yetanothergreyjedi

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

ashtraythief

Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.

luulapants

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.

whetstonefires

crane husband.....

roach-works

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

alex51324

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

  • Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  
  • As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  
  • It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  
  • Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  
  • The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
  • They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   
  • Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  
  • Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  
  • Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  
  • It worked!  
  • Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  
  • However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
  • Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.  White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive.  (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)  
thesylverlining

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")

chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"

anais-ninja-bitch

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

largishcat

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eshlimoriarty

lazorsandparadox

Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

queersatanic

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

nyancrimew
clitfisto

peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it

clitfisto

dont do this

babblingbranches

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cryptoidantagonist

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I really hope its not too bad bc i actually love both components.

cryptoidantagonist

it forms a dry skin at the top made of the sour pellets. not a great start.

cryptoidantagonist

tastes really good actually. i also feel like i am about to explode.

cryptoidantagonist

do not do this.

jenjensd

Unanimous consensus: Do not do this

Other people: Hold on I’m about to do this

jenjensd

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beeceit

Rip to y'all, but I'm built different. Trying this tonight

beeceit

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Best I can do with what I have (I'm at work rn)

beeceit

Oh that is a... fascinating smell

beeceit

Don't do this

nyancrimew

i think i'll try this tomorrow actually, it can't be that bad, im sure ive made worse cursed foods before

nyancrimew

the time has come

a photo of sour gummies, a can of monster and a glassALT
nyancrimew

i just did this twice this shit tastes great idk what's wrong with yall

a mixture of the sour gummies and monster energyALT
nyancrimew

i think im gonna drink more of this later i wonder what happens if i add vodka

pamesjatterson
lohboh

she banjo on my kazooie until I nut and bolt

lohboh

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ryuasou

Reading Comprehension & Analysis Questions

  1. What video game is the user lohboh referencing?
  2. Is 5.7 a good score? Why or why not? Why do you think ryuasou gave this post that rating?
  3. Using your answer to the previous question, why do you think lohboh was upset with the rating his post got?
  4. Do you agree with ryuasou's assessment of lohboh's post? Why or why not?